Sad and scared and overwhelmed with confusion
Now Playing: "Lonely People" revised by Jars of Clay
Topic: reality hits
every time the lord of the rings extended dvd comes out, i almost DON'T want to watch it!
The friendships of the cast on the appendixes touches my heart. they are very close and it sounded extremely hard for them to leave new zealand. it reminds me of my own friends and people i know. that i have to leave also in 5 months. 5 months from now, i will most likely never see them again. some of these people are close to me, and others aren't, but ultimately, i love them all. all these people that i've grown up with..these people that i graduated from elementary school with..you know..ill never see these people again.
not even my best friends, my friends who i have known for 6 years and some 8 years..it really hurts. i mean, even over summer, i was just looking forward to graduation- getting out of high school was the highlight of my senior year. but now, as graduation draws near- only a couple of months- the reality hits me. my beloved friends! who i have shared tons of memories with! ...it makes me want to cry. my 2 best friends are like my sisters- i'm so close to their family it's like i am a part of it. leaving them is going to be difficult. on graduation day im going to be crying my eyes out. change is good, but it is SO HARD. its hard to put into words. that almost scary feeling of, "where do i go now?". i mean, hopefully, i will have a college i am going to for sure by then, but still, a gaping, confusing, and overwhelming feeling exists. I'M LEAVING HIGH SCHOOL! I AM GOING TO BE AN ADULT!!!!how scary! i am going to be away from my parents! in a new city! living with people i haven't even met yet!!!making my own money at a job!
this freaks me out. independence.complete unrestraint. leaving my family and sisters.it brings tears to my eyes. and sorrow into my heart. i dont want to leave them! but i want to get away..just not leave those close to my heart. God, it hurts. One friend in particular, is extremely close to me, i just want to hug her forever. i don't want to see her go! we have such a beautiful friendship- that it can't dissappear.i miss her already and it's only december. we don't graduate till may.
and my mom! im going to miss my mom so bad! she is the only one who comforts me when i feel sad and scared..
why? why do things have to be so hard?why can't things get better without getting worse at the same time?
Posted by peri-farie
at 12:17 PM
Updated: Sunday, 19 December 2004 12:21 PM